


When Pigs Fly

by Scribe_42



Series: Proverb Prompt [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-09
Updated: 2012-05-09
Packaged: 2017-11-05 01:49:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/401130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scribe_42/pseuds/Scribe_42
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the Proverb Prompt</p><p> </p><p>Disclaimer: I don’t own them, I just take them out to play every now and again. No copyright infringement intended</p>
            </blockquote>





	When Pigs Fly

**Author's Note:**

> This was written with much love and laughter for Silver Tongue who started this whole thing.

Merlin was frantically scanning pages in an old tome when a young page came to the door of his new quarters.  
“Sir?’ he asked.  
He got no response as Merlin never noticed his presence.  
“Ahem.  Lord Emrys, sir?”  
“What?  Who?” Merlin asked whirling around, startled at the intrusion.  
“The King requires your presence immediately Lord Emrys,” he explained.  
“Stop calling me that,” Merlin snapped.  But he then immediately regretted his tone as the young man shrank back in fear.  
“I’m sorry.  I just, I’m very busy at the moment and this really isn’t a good time.  Just – call me Merlin.  That’s my name.  I don’t care what Arthur says, I’m not a lord or something.  Just call me Merlin, all right?” Merlin asked with a small smile, hoping the young man would stop cowering in the doorway like he was going to turn him into a toad or something.  The transition from manservant to powerful sorcerer was proving difficult enough throughout the castle without him going around terrifying the pages.  
“Tell him I’ll be there shortly, all right?” Merlin said gently.  
“Eh, Lo.., umm, Merlin, well, the King, Si…, I mean, the King demanded your presence immediately.  I … I was instructed to escort you down to the Great hall immediately Si…”  The young man trailed off uncomfortably.  
“You mean he shouted a lot, and demanded you to grab me by my ear and drag me if necessary, right?” Merlin asked rather peevishly.  
“Well, umm, something like that Si.. Lo.. Merlin, sir” He whispered his head hanging.  
Merlin sighed and motioned the boy to proceed him through the open door.    
  
                                                                                              ____________________________

  
“There are PIGS flying in my hall Merlin.  PIGS!  FLYING! IN MY HALL!!!  Explain to me how there are flying pigs???“  Arthur ended with a roar.  
  
“Well, you see, Gwaine told me about an old Roman creature called Pegasus.   Actually, the Greeks refer to him as well, but I found a description of a flying horse in a book from Rome, but I had to decipher the Latin first, and then I had to work out the correct spell, and it seems as though the spell for a horse is quite different from other animals.  And Gwaine seemed really excited at the thought of using a flying horse in battle, and well, I could see how it would give you and the Knights an advantage, so I did some more research, and I went to the royal stables, and …” Merlin rambled excitedly, his mind clearly taken up with the idea.

  
“YOU WERE GOING TO PUT A SPELL ON MY HORSE?  What have you done to Llamrei you incompetent idiot!!!” Arthur roared.  
"What, I, no, I din’t touch your precious horse.  Of course not Arthur,” Merlin said peevishly.  “I knew I needed to start with something smaller ….” Merlin trailed off at the growing look of fury on Arthur’s face.  
“Gwaine.  Of course.  I assign him to protect you and he comes up with flying horses.  Of course,” Arthur said as he raked his hands through his hair in frustration.  
“I am perfectly able to protect myself Arthur.  In case you haven’t noticed, I’m a very powerful warlock, and I don’t need a guard.” Merlin snapped.  
“No, you need a babysitter!” Arthur retorted.  
Merlin looked for a moment as though he might just turn _Arthur_ into some sort of flying animal, and then he began pacing the floor muttering words just under his breath.  Arthur could only make out one word in ten, but he definitely heard ‘prat’ more than once.  Just as Arthur began to interrupt him and remind him just who was King, Merlin held up his hand to forestall him, took a deep breath, and tried to calmly explain himself.  
“You see, Gwaine thought it would be brilliant in battle, but I didn’t want to experiment with something quite so large, and Gwaine suggested a sheep, but sheep have wool, not hair, and the spell wouldn’t work on a chicken obviously, as they already have wings, so I decided to use a pig you see, and the spell worked, but then I wanted to know if two of the pigs had piglets, would they have wings, or would the spell not transfer to the new piglets, and the pregnancy time for pigs is much less than half the time for a horse anyway, so I’d know sooner, and … “  
  
“A fortnight!” Arthur interrupted him incredulously unable to contain himself any longer.  “You’ve only been Court Sorcerer for a fortnight.  No, it’s been less than that.  It will be a fortnight tomorrow, but today I HAVE PIGS FLYING IN MY HALL!!!!  Lord and lady Alderon are due by this time tomorrow.  AND MY HALL IS FILLED WITH PIG SHITE! EVERYWHERE!  Never mind your conducting experiments with barnyard animals, what in all of Albion made you think that the great hall was a place for your ‘little experiment’?????”  
“We couldn’t keep them outside, because they kept getting out of their collars.  Actually Arthur, we need to talk about that, whoever makes ropes these days is doing quite shoddy work if you ask me.” Merlin replied quite reasonably (he thought).

  
“Merlin,” Arthur growled warningly.  Merlin began talking very fast, hoping speed would make his explanation sound somewhat more reasonable.  

  
“Well, at first we kept them in the large store room behind the hall, but it just wasn’t big enough. And, well, you see, when pigs fly, well, the mating is much more difficult, and we needed someplace big enough, indoors, and … It seemed like a good idea at the time.” Merlin answered as though this was the most reasonable solution to the problem.  He continued quickly after a quick glimpse of Arthur’s face  “I had no idea Lord what’s-his-face was due, and it’s not like I can’t clean the hall, but they need a few days to make sure they've had a chance to mate, and then it turned out that the sow really didn’t like the boar, and so I had to enchant another boar, and we had to buy another one at the market, so the time just sort of slipped away from me …” Merlin stopped to take a breath, but before he could launch into another long winded explanation, Arthur stopped him.

  
“Fix this.  Fix this NOW!  Call on Gaius or whomever, but FIX THIS NOW!” Arthur said, making it very clear that this was a royal command, and he was not to be trifled with.  
The thought of Gaius’ disapproving eyebrow did more to convince Merlin that the entire endeavor should be abandoned post haste.  He nodded to Arthur and left the room quickly.

  
Arthur rubbed the spot between his eyes tiredly. Arthur realized now, that putting Gwaine anywhere near Merlin had been a disastrous decision.  He thought Gwaine would be the ideal guard as he cared a great deal for Merlin, and would have done anything to keep him safe, but a bored Gwaine was definitely not a good mix with a curious Merlin.  He should have seen this coming.  
I’m going to have him beheaded Arthur thought, thinking of Gwaine.  No, first I’m going to have him flogged and then I’ll leave him staked in the courtyard for a day, and THEN I’ll behead him.  Then I’ll make Merlin reattach it, and behead him again.  
                                                                                             _______________________

  
“Sire,” another page came into the throne room a short while after Merlin left.  
“What is it now?” Arthur asked tiredly.  
  
“The guards wish me to inform you that a strange animal has just escaped the great hall, and is currently heading toward the lower town sire.”  
“A strange animal?” Arthur repeated.  
“Yes sire.  Some sort of boar, but it seems to be umm, flying sire.”  
“You don’t say.” Arthur replied calmly.  
  
“There sire!”  The young man exclaimed looking out the large window on his right.  “You can see it sire, look there.”  He cried, pointing out the window.  
  
Arthur quickly moved to the squire’s side and looked to where he was pointing.  Sure enough, a pig was circling over the fountain.  Flying.  It paused as some of the castle guards began to charge it, and quickly flew off over the lower town toward the forest.

  
“Fetch Gwaine for me, will you.  I have a quest for him.” Arthur said with malicious smirk.


End file.
